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January 06 we all have bad days but is that all they are?ive always been a positive person but today reality kicked in.
then i realized that if you dont live for yourself then who are you living for?
and that is a really good reason in why some people just dont give a shit about anything or anyone.
i may only be 19 but there is lots to learn and lots i have learned, such as:
you need friends and family
you need your health
you need trust
and you need something and somone to fall back on, without these things you will be and remain lost.
i apoligise for being so conciderate and careing, not because it didnt help but because i fooled myself into thinking that if i help others and i think not only of myself and continue to be greatfull for all that has come my way, that posibly i might wind up haveing people there for me, real friends people to talk to about important things, someone to make me feel good when i am down and someone to make me continue to believe in myself.
turns out i have knowone. i have people i have friends i have family but i only have one person who truely knows me and will stay up all night trying to make me feel better about myself . and that person is far far away. sometimes i dont feel anything, sometimes i feel too much to even get anything straight.right now i feel empty and completely alone, in solitude allowing all the horrible things that i have experinced to come back swallow my heart , allowing me to hitt reality ,to find i only have myself and my dreams . i think the reason i have been positive for so long is that i had alot of faith in my future but i am slowing starting to realise that it doesnt even matter what my future looks like when you have knowone.
dont get me wrong i have friends and family but knowone that i know that i can speek to and not have them judge me or tell me i made a mistake just someone to listen and know what im going through. knowone can feel the way i feel even though they try.
i feel completely lost and forgotten. wish i had someone to help me keep moving, cause i feel like crying and giving up.
my life wasnt as bad as it could have been, like i said i am a very greatful person but one that has lost faith and has been left in the dust.a future that may be wasted,and might be saved. March 02 all about me HELLO EVERYONE i love my boyfriend so much he is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me!
let me tell a little bit about myself...
im not very entertaining but i can hold a conversation, and sometimes if your lucky ill say something funny!!
i love to write poetry and listen to music, like blackeyed peas and eminiem, but mostley i work. not that it is fun but because i have the spending capacity of a spoiled brat. and not only that but i am spoiled... spoiled rotten by my boyfriend. did i say how much i love him!!
i like sports. i like to play baseball and watch football, but i love to snowboard! winter sucks insanely but you cant snow board without snow. obviously!
 there isnt much more i like about winter except the fact that everything is white after a snowstorm. i have two white cats, who are absolutely THE cutest in the world!!
there names are romeo, and muffin.
i am 18 years of age and still havent gotten drunk enough.....
because of my job!! but thats fine, less hang-overs the better!
i have two brothers who are very dear to me. yet i also havent spent enough time with them either.. but i hope for that to change. i have my tounge pierced and hope to get some more piercings done. i have one tatty and hope to get a couple more of those too.
so if this isnt enough about me ask me more!
Ashley Connick
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